We tried to potty train Otis this week.
Even if it didn’t work out, I still learned a lot about myself in the process.
1. You’ll ignore everyone.
When I told Mark about my plan to potty train he was basically like:
And when I asked Google and Pinterest if little man was ready, they were both like:
But, I’m me and was all:
2. You’ll make up songs.
Potty training is all about making this basic human function FUN! and ENTERTAINING! Except you’re up against non-stop episodes of Caillou and more toys than the eye can see. You must bring your A-game. Even if you aren’t a songwriter, you’ll become one. You’ll sing songs about peeing being fun and the rush of the release.
My finest moment was calling out for everyone to board the Potty Train… Poo-Poo!
No. Really. I said that.
3. Your 90′s will show.
On Day 2 of potty training you’ll name the potty Peter and tell your son that Peter eats pee pee and poo poo. And he’ll freak out. And then you’ll realize that the 90′s had a bigger influence on your parenting style than you care to admit.
4. You’ll be in awe of parents.
You’ll be delusional from going to the bathroom every 15 minutes, and you’ll begin to seriously wonder how anyone gets potty trained at all. Then you’ll be in awe because without parents taking time to make sure people poo and pee in the toilet who knows what this world would look like. Would we have iPhones? Would we have cars? Would we have democracy? Would we have freedom?
If you’ve ever successfully trained a human to excrete into a porcelain jug, this is for you:
5. You’ll give up with grace.
You’ll realize that this little experiment was a disaster, and that you now need to deep clean the carpet.
Basically, The Internet is right and there’s no use in training an uninterested toddler, and if there’s any core value to my parenting style it’s this:
Never work harder than you have to.