I know it’s time for a Hump Day post. And I tried to tie it in. But it wasn’t worth it because a) it’s late and b) no one really likes Hump Day posts but me. So I gave up.
Here is the deal: there is a bill about to be passed here in Tennessee about people not showing their butt cracks by way of sagging. It’s called the “No Crack Bill”. I thought that when Shelly emailed me about it she had given it her own silly name in order to ridicule it. But I was wrong. Someone named it that fo’ realz.
Shelly has written to the representatives, and what follows is my email to our representatives. Honestly, I could care less with whether you agree/disagree with me on this issue. What I do care about is that you talk to your reps about the stuff that matters to you.
Dear Representatives,
I found out from a dear friend that there was talk of making it a CRIMINAL OFFENSE to wear pants below the waistline. A criminal offense. Really?
Who, in their right mind, sat down and thought “Yes! Let’s outlaw a WAY TO WEAR PANTS! Brilliant.” Because I would like to say to that person, “Not brilliant, Dude. Not brilliant at all. Actually? Really, really stupid.”
My husband is a smart guy and I adore him. We don’t agree on much, but I was 99% positive we would agree on this particular topic. Because he hates when you (the government) take money out of his paycheck for taxes to do stupid stuff like educate our children. Or provide health care for old people. So I was pretty sure that he was going to hate it when you told him he couldn’t wear his pants in a way that showed his underwear.
When I told him about this asinine bill do you know what he said? He said, “Good. People shouldn’t show their underwear in public.”
Um, I’m sorry… what?!? The Government shouldn’t tell you how to spend your money, but it’s ok for them to tell you how to WEAR YOUR PANTS? A-freaking-mazing.
The thing is, my husband wears his pants in a law abiding fashion already. So this bill would not mean anything to him except that he wouldn’t see any big pants wearing criminals because they would ALL BE IN JAIL. (Ok, that’s not true. According to the bill they would just be broke due to fines, please excuse my exaggeration.) To get my point across I had to make the topic hit him where it hurts.
“What if they decided to outlaw men having long hair?” I asked.
See my husband loves his long hair. And so do I. It makes his head seem bigger and more in proportion to the rest of him. But that’s neither here nor there.
“Outlaw long hair? That’s crazy talk,” scoffed my husband.
And it IS crazy talk. It is crazy to think that it is a good idea to legislate something like personal fashion choices. Where will we stop? When Tennessee becomes the first state with a dress code? Because when countries in the middle east did this to their women, ordering them to dress a certain way, America started bombing them and saying they had to become a democratic nation. Representatives, please don’t give America a reason to bomb us.
I want a real answer to this email. I don’t want a stupid auto-reply. And I want you to know that you’re dealing with a new generation of voters. And we care. And we talk. A lot. And I’m blogging about this. And Twittering about this. And hopefully a conversation will be started about not just this, but all the stupid/brilliant things that you guys come up with. AND if we don’t like what you’re doing or the direction our state is going in YOU WILL GET FIRED. Because Dave Ramsey says we have that power. And I trust Dave.
Thanks for your SERVICE to our state.
Marie McKinney-Oates
The following is a list of representatives that Shelly and I emailed. Join us if you’d like.
rep.kent.coleman@capitol.tn.gov, rep.jon.lundberg@capitol.tn.gov, rep.janis.sontany@capitol.tn.gov, rep.eddie.bass@capitol.tn.gov, rep.karen.camper@capitol.tn.gov, rep.vance.dennis@capitol.tn.gov, rep.henry.fincher@capitol.tn.gov, rep.chad.faulkner@capitol.tn.gov, rep.brian.kelsey@capitol.tn.gov, rep.judd.matheny@capitol.tn.gov, rep.mike.stewart@capitol.tn.gov, rep.eric.watson@capitol.tn.gov
Update: I’m TOTALLY freaking out right now because I’m re-reading the email/blog and realized I used the word ‘bomb’ twice. I’m so going to jail.
Wow Marie, my ENTIRE BLOG is dedicated to Life Without Pants (ehem, it’s a metaphor but still) I don’t know how I missed this, being a Tennessee resident myself! You’re right, it is ridiculous – not that I want to see anyone’s crack, but a government that enforces dress codes? We can laugh and joke about it but it’s sort of scary. Where will the jurisdiction end? Don’t they have bigger and better things to worry about than sagging pants? Enforcing a dress code in schools is one thing, enforcing it in life? Wow, I don’t even know what to say…
Matt, thanks for visiting! Seriously, I think it’s really scary, too. Honestly? I’m not even sure what the real point is other than for profiling. Or a wonderfully annoying way to raise money for schools (that’s what all the fines that would be collected are earmarked for). And I’m still loving that there is a blogger that is from Nashville, too! I just want to scream, “The internet IS real!”
Shelly, I am so glad that you’re around or I would miss stuff like this. And I’m glad that you did the research on the most efficient people to email about this topic. It’s so engineery/lawyery of you. Mark asked how I knew who to email and said, “Duh. Shelly.”
Susan, I finally started listening to you! Way to go activism!
The representatives I chose to email are the House Judiciary Committee. For any bill related to the law to get to the house floor those people have to vote yes by majority. (It goes to vote Wed. the 15th) Once it gets to the floor, all 99 reps will vote. Hopefully these four of these 6 people have a brain though.
Sorry, 7 of 12 folks not six. I can’t count and I’m writing the government. Bah!
Good job, young voter, good job!
Love it! You are right. The “No Crack Law” is ridiculous and unconstitutional. Isn’t it amazing how our elected officials spend their time?
My favorite line from your post: “Representatives, please don’t give America a reason to bomb us.”
And, I love how you threaten them with blogging and twitter. This stuff scares old people.
P.S.- I think you married your dad. Or maybe my dad. Or maybe that guy I dated in college. You know, the one you went to school with. What happened to him? Oh that’s right, he became a tree-hugging liberal! See, there is hope for Mark.
Michelle, sometimes I cry myself to sleep tonight when I realize I married our dads. Seriously. And I totally forgot that Jeff used to be on the Other Side… You don’t know how good that little reminder made me feel! And I’m glad you liked that line… I just hope I don’t end up in jail for it
Is this for real?! This is hilarious. You are the best blogger. EV-ER. And I agree with what Michelle wrote – I laughed extra hard at “And I’m blogging about this. And Twittering about this.”
Rebecca, it is very for real, and thanks for the compliment. You’re so sweet
Very well put Marie. I for one, and I’m sure I’m not the ONLY one, can think of many things our tax dollars would be better spent on. The reason they continue to make stupid laws is because no one ever says anything about it.
PS: Tell Mark to cut his hair.
Rick, it is so good to see you here! You’re so right, if the government is acting badly it’s because we let them. And he did get a haircut this weekend… because I made him
Well, a trim anyways.
Susan, that’s so crazy… I just saw an article headline about that. I’ll have to read up on it…
Next you need to check out the bill that’s trying to prevent people on food stamps from claiming lottery money…
They will realize their mistake once all the plumbers are gone.
Akirah, you are so right. These people really need to think a little bit clearer before they start making up all these rules.
Love it! Good for you, putting on an attitude and getting involved! I also love how you weave in your stories about your husband and your differing views. Very refreshing, funny and real. (Btw, did you get any real replies yet to your email?)
Kristin, so I emailed my friend to see if anyone has responded to her and she said one rep did. I’m getting the feeling that they didn’t take my email seriously
We have such differing views that it drives me absolutely batty sometimes, but we work through 
[...] Writing to your government is sexy, [...]
I totally emailed the reps!!! I have never done anything like that in my life! I feel like such an activist. I’m excited and anxious…it makes me uncomfortable. lol by the way if you go to jail i will visit you
I just love you. I really, really do
And I’m so glad that you’d come visit me in jail… it’s very Christian of you 