Mark:  Whatcha doin’?
Marie: Blogging about that time your balls were hurting.
Mark:  Yeah.  I’m gonna have to read that one first…

I was completely aware that getting married meant I would be taking on many new responsibilities.  Like, I would have to order two value meals instead of just one cook and be in charge of the war on junk mail.  I was ready and excited for this challenge.

At the same time, there were lots of responsibilities that I had no clue I would be taking on.  I didn’t know I’d have to buy the man underwear while on a routine trip to Target (“Buy you underwear? But I don’t know boy underwear!”).  I didn’t know it would be my responsibility to stay on top of our milk inventory especially since I DON’T DRINK MILK.  And I had no clue that I would have to make his doctor’s appointments.

That’s right.  Making doctor’s appointments is apparently a wife duty.  To be fair, Mark did not ask me to make him a doctor’s appointment.  But two things sent me the subtle message that it was indeed my responsibility.  First, he kept complaining but wouldn’t do anything about it.  Second, the ladies I work with are always calling doctors and making appointments for their husbands, why should I think myself better than them?  So I called the doctor.

I am a very awkward person.  Especially in real life.  Because of this I do lots of “practicing” before making phone calls as a way of reducing said awkwardness.  Unfortunately, in my eagerness to be a “good wife”  I did not practice my first “make an appointment for my husband” phone call…

Ring
Dr.’s Office:  Good morning, Dr’s Office, how may I direct your call?

Marie:  Hello, yes, I would like to schedule an appointment.  But not for me.  It’s for someone else.  But not, like, a stranger.  I need to make an appointment for my husband.  But I don’t know his social security number.  Is that going to be a problem?

As you can probably tell I really should have practiced this phone call first.  I thought about just hanging up and trying again, but something deep inside assured me that this phone call would get better.

Dr.’s Office:  Who are you making an appointment for?

Marie:  My husband.  Can I do that?

Dr.’s Office:  Yes, yes of course…

She took his name and we figured out a time that would work.  Everything was back on track.  And then…

Dr.’s Office:  Now, what does your husband need to see the doctor for?

I don’t know why I wasn’t prepared for this question, but I wasn’t.  My unpreparedness, however, did not stop me from answering.

Interview Tip:  Don’t be afraid to think about your answers. – Sydney Owen (the interview tip is included for the sole purpose of trying to get on the front page of Brazen.  Because that would be freakin’ hilarious.)

I wish I had known about this advice while on the phone with the Dr.’s office.  I really do.  If I had that advice in my pocket, I’m pretty sure I would have not said this…

Marie:  What’s wrong with him?  Um, how do I say this?  His balls are hurting?

Something told me that “balls” was not a medical term.

Marie:  Um, I mean, his testicles are the problem.  They’re hurting.  Or something.  I don’t really know.  I don’t have any.  So, um, I’m really not sure what is wrong with his balls, I mean testicles.  But he wants to talk to the doctor about them.

Dr.’s Office:  … Okaaay… well, we’ll see your husband next week.

I called Mark to tell him about the appointment. And to just ignore it when the doctor’s receptionists look at him funny.