Marie: Sobbing
Mark: Oh my goodness. What is it now? Another jewelry commercial? We have got to figure out how to block those things…
Marie: No, it’s…it’s…it’s Jon and Kate… sob… they’re getting a…a…divorce. Wahhh!
Mark: Who are Jon and Kate??
Marie: You obviously need to stand in more lines at the grocery store…
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Jon and Kate are getting divorced. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t watch any episodes this season because watching was basically voting for the show to stay on the air. But then they had that big announcement and I really, really wanted to know. And I really, really wanted it to be that they were going to get counseling.
I quickly realized there wouldn’t be any reconciliation and I started sobbing. I’m not sure if it’s being married, or being married to someone who has gone through a divorce, or just being an overly sensitive human being, but my heart breaks when I hear about couples getting divorced. Even reality show stars with lots of bad communication skills.
I look at Jon and part of me wants to call him a douche because he is acting pretty nonchalant about the whole thing (“I’m only 32″ and “excited” about the future). But then I think about how they got here. How often he was put down or disregarded by Kate, and I do understand that his heart has hardened. I understand that he had to build that wall in order to stop the pain. And I start crying for him.
And then I look at Kate and think, well, you kinda brought this upon yourself. You’re pretty mean and bossy. But then I remember that Jon never said she was mean and bossy, so how was she to know that she had “crossed the line”? And when she finally finds out that Jon’s pissed she also finds out that he’s done. I really think that, in a lot of ways, she has been blindsided by this divorce. And I start crying for her.
And then those kids. Oh my goodness. ALL those cute, sweet, “Be quiet, I’m doing an interview!” kids. They seemed so unaware on the show last night. But how could you really care about the end of your parents’ marriage when you were getting those super cool Crooked Houses built for you, right? I remember any fight that my parents had that made me think they might actually get divorced and how absolutely terrified I would become. And I cry for them.
There are monumental levels of pain going on for them and it’s just so terribly sad.
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June 23, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Paul
Marie, as a guy who might lose to your husband in a Kate Plus 8 trivia contest, honestly, I legitimately feel your pain. I think for me it’s because “couple” friends are crumbling around us faster than a game of Jenga played by two people 15 beers deep.
So now it’s Kate Plus 8 Minus 1. It doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it? it never does…
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It is so sad to see couple friends break up. And I wonder what they’re going to do with the title. Your suggestion sounds like an algebra problem. Which would turn off most American viewers. But with that title the show might gain popularity in Asia. (That is not completely an “Asians are stereotypically amazing at math” joke, it’s just that I got done reading Outliers this weekend and am still amazed at the book and the reason Asians are stereotypically amazing at math.)
June 23, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Akirah
You are right on the money. This is EXTREMELY sad. From the outside looking in, we see Kate emasculating Jon and Jon’s unwillingness to communicate as big causes of this. They seem to have no trust for each other; Jon can’t trust Kate with his pride and she doesn’t trust him to be a man! So sad. And while they say the kids come first, I just don’t get it. Don’t couples know that focusing on a having a healthy marriage puts your children first? Oh well. I hope they transition well into this “new” time.
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You are so right about the lack of trust. I also agree that healthy marriages are one of the best ways to take care of your kids, and at the same time I do think that there comes a point where some people are so unwilling to change that a healthy marriage is never a real choice anymore. That the situation is too much to overcome and getting out becomes the best way to take care of your kids.
I hope they transition well too.
June 24, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Dorie Morgan
I cried too. Because I wanted to believe that their mariage was fine and that there were aspects to their life that we would never see or comprehend. I wanted to believe the best.
B and I talked about it last night and he made a very good point – Kate may have come across as mean but Jon came across as useless. Maybe Kate became overly “mean” as a way to compensate for Jon.
Ultimately, we can all learn lessons from this. It is important to have premarital classes or meetings. It is important to be rooted in an organic community/church. It is important to revisit what you learned in premarital classes, especially before major, life changing events (like having 6 babies at once).
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You are so right about being rooted in an organic community/church! I really believe that just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to support a marriage. We think marriage is just about two people fighting through, but I think marriage in America could become so much more if we’d recognize how important it is to be surrounded by “family” however you define it.
June 24, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Akirah
You’re right too…it’s probably too late for them to repair what’s been broken. But perhaps in the past…if they were focused on their relationship and on God…maybe things would be different now.
June 26, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Monica Evans
I have only watched the show a couple of times, and always felt that real family life is best not watched by the world. That whole show made me sad.
When I stand in line at the grocery and read all about their alleged infidelities, communication probelms and so forth, all I am able to think is:
“When you have 8 kids, there must be a way to have a contract that reads: We will stay together forever (or until the last kid turns 18).”
When I told my mom this, she said, “There is, it’s called marriage.”
oh. well.
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You’re so right about family life not being meant for audience consumption. And I LOVE your mom’s response.