I don’t get into the whole comparison game. I’ll do me and you do you. Boo boo.
Heh.
Anyways, I couldn’t help but doing a little bit of comparing a few weeks ago I went with a friend to take our babies to see Santa. We are both new moms and we spent most of the afternoon sharing notes and experiences which is essentially the definition of an awesome time for a new mom (“You mean we can talk about our babies all day long and no one is going to roll their eyes? Sign. me. up.”)
You might think that I compared our weight loss (she’s back to pre-baby, and I still have to lose the equivalent OF my baby) or mommy skillz (her baby takes all kinds of naps, and Otis basically has really long blinks), but no. I didn’t start “comparing” until it was time for Santa…
When it was our turn for Santa pics we had Otis go first because he was closer to fussy than Baby L. Unfortunately, a combination of hunger, tiredness and a strangely dressed old dude spelled disaster and unhappiness for my little man. He freaked out and the photographer suggested that we go ahead and do Baby L’s pictures and try Otis again afterwards.
You need to know that Baby L was equally tired, but this little man has show business in his DNA, and he turned his charm on. Also, Julie’s an awesome mom that immediately knew her rendition of “Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” would get a smile out of him (sidenote: Baby L’s dad is a doctor and it makes all kinds of sense that he’d get a kick out a baby anatomy lesson).
Otis tried again, but he just wasn’t having it. Santa was not his friend, and I’m pretty sure he was considering finding a lawyer to file for emancipation because what kind of mother would subject him to such torture?
We went to pick up the pictures that were deemed “the best” by the photographer. Here’s what we got:
Yeah. My kid looks like he’s about to go ape on me Santa someone, and Baby L’s pic looks like the movie poster for a Miracle on 34th Street remake. Sigh.
* Before my mom goes off on me for comparing my baby to someone else, I’d just like to remind her of Rachel Darby and 1st grade (“Oh, you made all A’s… what about Rachel Darby?”). I survived, and so will he 
** To clarify what I find amusing: That Otis would have a relatively standard/normal/horrified pic with Santa at the same time that Baby L achieved Santa pic perfection (I looked through the photographer’s pics from the day and Baby L really did knock it out of the park for the Under 1 set. He was even the package price sheet example!).
*** Santa was hilarious in a Are-you-serious? kind of way. I knew some of the people helping out and they mentioned that I was a marriage counselor, and Santa overheard. When I handed him Otis he was all, “You’re too young to be a marriage counselor”. Yeah… ok… well, take my baby. Then when Otis was freaking out and I took him back he was all, “You know, I give marriage advice, too. It’s one day for you, one day for him, and one day for you both of you each month. One guy said that advice saved his marriage.” Great… I’ll put that in the book I’m writing, Making Mrs. Clause Happy for Eternity: Marriage Advice from Santa.
**** Seriously, I’m writing a marriage book. Sign up for my Nashville Marriage Studio Newsletter to get updates.
Otis is smart! Santa is crazy scary! (the Santa in his pic is scary, obviously not the REAL Santa!) You are a brave Mama to put your adorable tot on scary Santa’s lap! Remind me and I will email you Macie’s santa pic from last year. Warning…you may just fall out of your chair laughing. I was planning to use it for last year’s Christmas cards…but I just couldn’t subject her to that torture. lol This year’s should be EXTRA great considering she had recently developed a bad case of stranger danger.
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Ha ha ha, you are hilarious. We all do it. Even as I was saying, “my friend gave me the best advice. Don’t ever compare yourself or your child, because someone will always be out-momming you,” I was thinking, ‘Otis notices when he’s not the center of attention?!? Langston wouldn’t even notice if he were left alone in a room for several hours. Or days. Note to self: google when babies should start wanting to be the center of attention, as soon as you get home.’
Besides, we all know the real reason Otis gave that horrified look to Santa (other than he thought Santa was trying to hit on mommy). He was saving his best Santa smile for when daddy could be there to see it too
Ha, Ha! Both of those pictures are precious! I so need to move back to the south. I want to hang out with you and Otis and talk about our babies for hours! I have not tortured Kaia with the Santa picture yet, but I am not hopeful for its outcome. (And, I totally sing Head, Shoulder, Knees, and Toes to Kaia all the time. Never thought it had anything to do with her dad’s profession.)
Marie, Do not fret my sweet naive mommy friend as this clearly wasn’t baby L’s first go ’round on Santa’s lap; it’s obvious that baby L has had quite the professional prep and a few practice runs with Santa. If baby Otis (and/or you) were traumatized by scary Santa, I have quite a few therapist friends who are happy to help, seriously.