Domesticate Me is baaack!
I know you’ve missed it.
But it’s back and, like everything else on this blog, babier than ever.
Here’s my question: Should you discipline babies? Specifically, 7 month old babies? That are really cute? And named Otis?
Yeah. I didn’t think so either.
The video is below. And I would just like to add that Otis has been like this from pre day one. The little guy likes things a certain way and he will throw a fit if he doesn’t get it. When I was in labor and our heart rates were being monitored Little Man would FREAK OUT when I moved or turned over. Nurses would come flying in thinking that something horrible was going on because his heart rate would drop out of no where. No, no. Just a very particular baby who likes things a certain way.
Adolescence is going to be awesome.
Anyways, here’s the video… enjoy AND let me know how soon your babies got whoopins so I can tell Mark when he’s allowed to start swatting. Because let’s be real. We ALL know I’m not going to do it.
Also, my fellow Tartar Saucer, Betty Becca, had a fun post pointing out the difference between domestic and domesticate… heh. She didn’t know about my Domesticate Me Show (if Snookie can have a show then so can I) which made me love it (and her) even more. Also, I think my skills at home are much closer to taming a wild beast than actually being artful in the home. So I vote that it’s still appropriate.
More Domesticate Me episodes can be seen here:
Saran Wrap
Ironing
Dishwashing
Shopping
Wilderness Recipes
I’m famous!
I have no idea! We sometimes sit next to this old lady at church. She gives candy to all the kids at church. About 6 weeks ago, Macie was her normal horrible self during church. Thomas and I took turns taking her out and spanking her/talking to her. After my second turn (no there isn’t a staffed nursery during service), I handed her to Thomas and said take her! The old lady said to me, I hope you aren’t spanking that precious baby. Thus making me feel like loser mom of the year.
Then about 3 weeks ago, it was just me and Macie. (Thomas went hunting during church time. Feel free to nag him about this until your heart’s content because I sure did.) I take my seat next to the old lady after picking Macie up from Sunday School. (Someone took my other seat that wasn’t next to the old lady while I was gone to get her from class. Thus forcing me to sit next to her.) Macie was sweet at first but quickly turned into the devil during service. I had become sandwiched in the middle of the pew with no way out. So I just kept reminding myself that this old lady played the shame game with me for taking her out a few weeks prior. She must not mind the devil child’s antics. After service, I got the lecture of a lifetime from said old lady that literally left me in tears. She preached to me for about 10 minutes about how I need to be spanking/disciplining my child. (The auditorium was empty when she finished.) I just told her sometimes it is hard when you are a fairly new parent learning the ropes and your spouse isn’t available to help. I also told her that I was trying to do the best I could and appreciated her concern. (I earned zero credit for taking her to Sunday School and Church on time by myself! boo) Then I had a meltdown of my own while driving the 30 minute ride home…When I later asked Macie why she was acting so aweful, she matter of factly replied “because I a wild banshee, Mama”. Great. How am I do discipline you now that I am laughing?
Needless to say, I am the last person to be handing out discipline advice!
Well, my baby’s only three months old, so I’m not qualified to offer advice, either. But I have two questions: first, what’s your definition of discipline? And second, how much do you like to read?
I just finished reading Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn and it totally changed my views on discipline. He argues that rewards and punishments not only don’t work to improve behaviour, but can be harmful in a child’s moral development. Punishing and rewarding are all about controlling kids, when what we really want is to raise them into adults who actually choose to do good. He defines discipline, then, as offering unconditional support to help children grow into caring, responsible adults. So I dunno if you’re into that, but I thought the book was the greatest thing I’d read in a long time.
As for your story, Secret Agent “CT”: oh my goodness, what a horrible experience! I can’t believe that woman would say all those things to you!! I would have had a meltdown, too. But I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job, and you will gain confidence with time and experience.
Kathleen – Thanks for the empathy.
I normally am “on my game” and confident in my abilities as a parent of a just turned 2 year old. (That comes from dealing with the now 2 yr old as a colicky baby for 4-5 months. If I hear a fussy/crying baby today, I still want to go over and tell whomever to just give it to me. I’ll hold/rock/shush it until the crying stops. The crying doesn’t faze me anymore.) I was just shocked that the old lady had voiced two polar opposite, strongly held opinons to me in a short window of time. Plus a load of other things made me more sensitive to her comments. We sit in the balcony at church now too. ha The perfectionist in me can’t handle anymore of her frank talks. ha ha
PS. I think I might have to purchase that book too. Any additional knowledge is always helpful!
Candice
Kathleen, I’m totally buying this book (just a note, I’m in love with all of your parenting approaches and your life in general
). And your idea of discipline sounds right up my alley. I think my biggest fear is beating the heart out of my kid. Unconditional support and encouragement is totally up my alley!
I’m kinda thinkin I might be a mini momma dictator b/c I can’t count the amount of times Canyon has gotten spanked at this point. We started disciplining from the beginning just vocally… babies might not understand what you’re saying, but they pick up on the tone of our voices fairly quickly. Of course, it was rare that I ever ‘babytalked’ Canyon anyhow as one of my biggest pet peeves is a parent speaking to their 5 year old like he’s 5 weeks old. Treat/speak to a child like a baby, they will be one. Speak to a child like a civilized person, they’re more likely to act that way. By a year and a half, Canyon understood what happened once we ‘got to 3′ and usually would stop doing whatever it was usually at the uttering of ’2′. We used to just swat on the hand b/c they don’t really feel anything otherwise with a diaper on.
I figure as long as you explain to them why you are disciplining them (even when they are too young to really understand the words yet), ask them do they understand what they did wrong and explain to them that you love them… then, move them on to a ‘task’ for them to ‘move on with their life’, there shouldn’t be too much uproar.
Also, stick to your guns. That old ‘no means no’ adage comes in handy for parenting too. Flip flopping will do nothing but confuse them and frustrate you in the long run.
2nd Pet Peeve (whew, didn’t realize I was so passionate on this subject): The justification of ‘oh, that’s just what 1 (2, 3, etc) year olds do’ – That shit never really flew with me… anyone who thinks this way I immediately consider them to be a lazy human being who will be the one in a couple years with a kid kicking and screaming in Aisle 7 while they wonder, ‘why won’t he listen to me?’…. We’ve always expected our kid to adapt to his environment and not expect the environment to adapt to you…. of course, that may just be b/c he had gone to more restaurants at the age of 1 than I had by the time I was in high school.
I digress…
Keep them busy with new problems to solve and challenges to overcome and, by my belief, they will grow up wanting to be a part of the solution, not the problem.
Of course, this may just be easier for me b/c I seem to have a heart of steel when it comes to this whole ‘raising kids’ deal and really have little problem playing the disciplinary role with Canyon…. but I must say, overall he’s a good well-adjusted, balanced kid who knows right from wrong and understands consequences… so far, atleast. : )
P.S. I’ve found the whole snapping fingers can save alot of time and energy : )
My question to you, Marie, is what is it exactly that sweet baby Otis is doing to warrant discipline at 7 months of age? I need more info before I chime in with my advice and/or instructions.
Well, nothing really. He’s just getting pretty bossy (like he gets mad if you don’t give him the computer like he wants) and I just wonder when you address this. With a 2 year old I’d totally put my foot down (ahem) but 7 months just seems so young, but that seems like a recipe for disaster as well.
Marie,
I think that you could address his behavior now and most definitely later; it’s just going to look differently now than it will later.
It’s developmentally appropriate to redirect his behaviors to developmentally appropriate toys. If you don’t want him having your computer, you just say in a cute-sy sing song-y voice, “Otis, I see that you want the computer but it’s my turn, now. You may play with this, this or this (fill in the blanks with developmentally appropriate toys (that aren’t annoying to you) you entice him with). I’m betting that he doesn’t want the computer as much as he just wants your attention and affection.
If you must work on the computer while in his presence, you could turn on a baby Einstein dvd to pacify him (I’m NOT advocating that you let baby Einstein dvd’s babysit him all day while you surf the web, peruse Facebook, and blog away on the web) or you could stick him in the Exersaucer, johnny jump-up or the pack in play with some toys BUT he absolutely should NOT be left unattended or left in one of these contraptions for more than 20 minutes. If you must return a text or a quick email and your baby won’t keep his hands off the ipad long enough for you to reply, I believe that it’s okay to lie your baby on the floor (if you are in your home and the floor is clean…) while you quickly take care of your business.
Yes, your little chunk of love might throw a huge fit, because you are not paying attention to him, and he’ll probably “cry like a baby” but in the end, that’s just what babies do when they don’t get what they want
Does this help answer your question?
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